CrazyBeautiful…
5 Aug
…perfectly describes you.
Never a dull moment, sometimes you made me want to pull my hair out in frustration, sometimes you made me want to put my arms around you and squeeze tight to thank you for giving me everything. You were loud, a toothy smile, a lipstick mark kiss, a full laugh and those ridiculous coral nails.
You epitomised the cliche ‘Live life to the fullest’. In fact, you put that damn phrase to shame. You squeezed every last drop out of life, then you rolled up the tube and squeezed out some more. Every single person that met you was touched by your ‘Anita Magic’, an intangible feeling that makes them think about you in the oddest moments. You taught us that the greatest gift was giving. That in giving of ourselves and in helping other people, we would make the biggest difference in the world.
You were my mother. In this post, I remember you.
Remember when I stole Romy’s birth ring and wore it to nursery school? It got stuck on my finger and cut off my blood flow, the teacher had to take me to the doctor to get it cut off before I lost my finger. You arrived at the doctor in a flurry of blonde hair, shouting “Where’s my child?”. I was so relieved when I saw you, and utterly shocked when you gave me a hiding right there in the doctor’s rooms, followed by a huge hug.
Remember when I was 5 and had to make something for the Easter parade at school? I forgot to tell you – you sent me to bed and you stayed up all night making me an Easter bonnet that looked like a famous designer had made it. I walked into school the next day and was the envy of everyone.
Remember when Romy and I did athletics and you would stand at the finish line to catch us in a hug as soon as we crossed it? It didn’t matter where we came in the race because we new you would always be there. But somehow knowing that you would made us push harder, run faster and (in Romy’s case, at least) win the race.
Remember when it was our birthday? Every year you put up balloons and banners and presents outside our bedroom doors while we slept, and when we woke – you said it was ‘the birthday fairy’. Amazing how the birthday fairy had your handwriting. You did this until my 14th birthday, it never got old.
Remember when you used to fetch us from school in your ‘gangster car’? The white ‘shark’ with the tinted windows, low profile tyres, mags & dropped suspension. You would get out of the car in your heels with your impossibly long legs and give us that smile. The boys would always wait with us, just to get a glimpse of you.
Remember when we wanted the latest shoes/jeans/CD player/anything? You would sacrifice everything you had to get it. In fact, I cant once remember you going shopping for yourself. I bet when I clean out your cupboard, I’ll find the same clothes you had 20 years ago.
Remember when your heart broke? And we held you like you were a baby and we wept with you. And you were unashamed to feel, to rant and to rage and to sob – because you taught us that emotions are not something to be quashed, that you can’t live your life worrying about what is socially acceptable.
Remember when we had parties at the house? Everyone was welcome, the more the merrier. You were one of us, you drank with us, danced with us and made sure we were fed. It embarrassed the hell out of me but secretly I was glad my friends were all so jealous of my ‘cool mom’.
Remember when Shaun was late coming home and his phone battery had died? When I woke up at 2am in a panic and raced over to your house, banged on the door and woke the neighbours. You held me while I cried, worried that something had happened to him… it was raining so hard and you held me tight. You told me to go home, if he wasn’t home by sunrise to call you. He got home 10 minutes later.
Remember when you SMSed me every time anyone in our family had a birthday? Just to remind me to wish them, cos you knew I’m bad at remembering things like that. Remember how you bought other people presents and said they were from me? You knew I would run out of time.
Remember when you became a granny? How you prepared like crazy in the months leading up to Tatum’s birth. How you got a cot and you phoned me 4 frikken times a day to discuss how you were going to decorate her room at your house. How you worried so much about Romy but you didn’t want to worry her so you called me. Remember how you felt when you held her for the first time, how you laughed and you cried at the same time. How you felt that your life was full, how proud you were.
I remember all of it and more. Right now my heart is hurting and I can’t see the light, right now I want to scream at the sky ‘WHY!?’, to go and ask that stupid truck driver why he didn’t just put his hazards on, to scream at the municipality for switching the lights off on the highway to save electricity, who gives a shit about electricity when lives are being lost?!?!.
But I know you would say “It will be alright Bugsy, it will be OK my baby”. I know you would want us to celebrate your life, To have a big, over the top party in your honour, with feathers and fairies and diamantes. Because you said it on Sunday: “I may not have class but I have lots of love”.
You did Mamma, you had more love than anyone on earth, every time someone needed you, you just made your heart bigger to accommodate them. You need to know how proud we are of you, how proud I am to call you my mom. And now that you are gone, we will make our hearts bigger to finish what you started, to make the world a better place one hug at a time.
CrazyBeautiful.
Anita.
16 May 1956 – 2 August 2010.
Forever in our hearts.
Crying. So much. You know why.
We were so lucky. So blessed to have amazing mothers. Their legacy is our pride. I love my friend. Holding your hand all the way through this.
xx
Thinking of you.
Beautiful post, and you mum would be very proud.
Thank you for sharing, Barry x
Stunning tribute…
You and your CrazyBeautiful mother are strangers to me but have moved me immensely.
I lost my father a few years back and only wish I could have expressed myself in such wonderful way… for him and for me.
Praying for you and your family.
One day at a time…
Keenan
Dearest Heidi
My heartfelt condolences to you and everyone who loved your wonderful CrazyBeautiful mother. Your tribute has truly moved me and I pray that your heart heals quickly. The world has lost an incredible woman but she will live on in everyone who ever met her’s memories.
Warm hugs
Renee
What a great tribute to a great lady.
Stay strong.
Fucking hell. I just got escorted to the bathroom for crying loudly at my desk. People are now CONVINCED that I’m bipolar.
God, Goosey, this was so beautiful.
x
I don’t know you (except from Twitter) nor was honoured enough to know your mom, but I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. She would have been so proud of you
Such a beautiful and heartfelt tribute!
Not only are you and Romy so lucky to have had her, she was so so so lucky to have had you!!!!
((((HUGS))))
An incredibly beautiful, moving post that has tears streaming down my face. I am so so sorry for your loss and pain – just focus on one day at a time and remember that all any mother wants for their child is an absence of pain. Come out the other side for her xx
Snowgoose, my deepest condolences to you and your loved ones.
This post gives such a tender tribute to both you, and your mom. She was obviously a truly amazing and spirited person, and something this heartfelt could only be inspired by the beautiful spirit that was your mom. I may not know you, or your family, but my thoughts and wishes are with you all.
May the legacy of CrazyBeautiful live forever.
X
Have just been directed here by my sister’s fb … I am so sorry you’ve lost your Mom. You have written a magnificent tribute to her – clearly you are every bit as special as your Mom was.
Be strong and keep the love going…
This is amazing … I don’t know you and I didn’t know your mom but you have described her in such a way that almost allows me to know her. You are obviously an amazing woman, just as your mom was … my heart goes out to you at this incredibly tough time. I lost my mom 9 and a half years ago … xxx
I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Your mom was loved and she will live on through you all. My heart, thoughts,strength and prayers are with you.
Stay strong!
Beautiful beautiful post. Has me in tears
I’m so very sorry for your loss, wishing you all the hugs in the world
Thoughts and prayers with you and the whole family
Heartfelt condolences to you and and your family. I ‘m so sorry, Snowgoose. I share your pain of having a parent taken so suddenly. Be strong!
So sorry to hear about your loss. What a beautiful tribute.
Such a beautiful tribute, it has me in tears. My condolences to you & the family for your loss. Such a senseless needless loss. May you find comfort in your grief and may your hearts heal soon with the love that your mom had for you. Huge hugs
Thank you for all the amazing comments, so good to know I have so many good people supporting me. xxx
Crazy beautiful raised some amazing daughters.